It's been difficult to write since the show opened. Most nights I leave the theatre feeling like I've been run over by a lorry before being scraped off the road by a tribe of naked cannibal pygmies and slow-cooked in a crockpot. Like Thor and Patrick I get home and find it impossible to sleep. Keep waking up. Some kind of tick. It doesn't help that the clock in my bedroom is exactly the same as the one I try to smash on stage.
Most nights are entirely weird for me. I usually have a sudden attack of Doubt at around 6pm and this has become a ritual. What if the hammer goes astray and I hit Ruth (Jia-Wei)? What if I cock up my cheese roll lines as I'd done countless times before? What if I miss my cue to get out of bed and leave Teddy (Ben) standing at the door like a loon? What if my boxers fall down? I'd been a bit silly about the boxers the during full dress, and Nell didn't really help (sorrylah Nell, I'll take off my socks for you, next week, say?). Too many what ifs, but the shows have been great; thanks to you, the audience.
Now it's Friday and there are only three shows left. I am still jittery before the curtain goes up every night. It won't be over until it's over, and when it's over I suspect I'll fall headlong into depression and take to drinking, or cross-stitching since I already drink. No more Max. No more Sam. No more Ruth, Teddy, Joey.
No more back-stage jokes to lighten the tension. No more laughing like hyaenas for no apparent reason. For the last three months Thor, Patrick, Ben, Jia-Wei, and Ian have been as much a family to me in real life as Max, Sam, Teddy, Ruth, and Joey have been to Lenny. (Ooo, that's not saying much is it? Haha. You know what I mean.)
I shall miss these two families; the one on stage sick and dysfunctional, the one in real life sick and dysfunctional too, but also extremely kind, deeply generous, immensely supportive and above all, ridiculously fun to be with. (Insert glowing adjective and suspiciously sentimental noun here. Wah, U-En is so nice all of a sudden. What does he want ah?).
But wait, it's not over yet.